I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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