I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
