Will you blow on my dice?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
