i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want to make out with him forever
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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