you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
