And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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