I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
