All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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