I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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