You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
