don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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