My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
