I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
