Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
