I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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