drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
