Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
