That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
