i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
