She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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