I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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