Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
