A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize