it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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