Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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