I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
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So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize