What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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