Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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