I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
