Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
