i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
