ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Farmville is her only friend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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