fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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