i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
