I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
