Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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