When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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