I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
