its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
