Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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