Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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