never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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