i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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