I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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