Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
