Dual....:-)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
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I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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