I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
