It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
