i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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