I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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