I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
