just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
