He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We need to rekindle our bromance
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
