Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
