I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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