Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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