Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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