PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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