yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
