Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
