Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
