why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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