She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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