im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
