OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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