she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
