I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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