you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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