I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
