Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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