He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
