I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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