my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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