Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
